Singleness and Real Estate

I've lately been thinking about that period of my life when I was single and there was not any perspective of marriage yet. I remember how difficult it was to have another birthday and keep being single. How difficult it was to respond to those questions so loaded of sarcasm and amazement: "And you are not dating yeeeet?" The feeling of going to bed dreaming about that imaginary man… "where is he?, who shall be?, do I know him yet?, is he going to take even longer?... why is he taking so long?!" Some times I did feel very desperate and with so little strength to keep firm.
  Today, I was conscious that I have many friends and relatives, single boys and girls who are still in that situation. I was thinking about how difficult it must be for them to face everyday the criticism from others and the imprudent questions in their fight to stand firm in their convictions waiting for the ideal man or woman. So, today I want to dedicate a short reflection to those single people who have not crossed yet that awaited line.

Some months ago, my husband has been working as a Real Estate consultant. Through this experience I've known a whole new world for me and I've seen blossom a new phase of Mario's personality. It's been very interesting see him grow and succeed in this new work area. Now I hear about interesting stories of many different families who want to buy or sell a house; about people who want to buy but does not have money, or people who do have money but do not find what they are looking for; about decided people, undecided people, nice people, conflictive people, responsible people, negligent people… really interesting.

Today, when I listened to his conclusions about the "psychologies" of the seller and the buyer, I felt like some connections were made in my brain with that single people topic I was meditating on and I came up with some analogies which I think are very close to reality.

By no means want I to judge or criticize. Neither do I want to take the position of "know-all" or "experimented one", or conceited because I'm "in the other side". I only want to share some thoughts with the intention of provoking reflection and bringing encouragement and hope. First of all, I want to recognize the braveness of those single girls around me. Especially of those who have taken the decision to remain pure without having any sentimental relationship until it's the moment to formalize something for marriage. It takes lots of braveness to keep firm, smiling at life and responding crude questions and comments kindly and determinedly. 

In Real Estate business, there are sellers and buyers. The seller decides to sell his house and then, it is On Sale. Now it's just a matter of waiting… waiting… and waiting… for that indicated person who will buy it. The buyer desires to buy a house so, once his decision is made, he undertakes a hard work in search of the ideal house: that dreamed enclosure totally suitable for his needs. Do you already know who is who?

Selling a house is not an easy thing. A house can be on sale during months without being found. And a buyer can be in search during months without finding what he is looking for. According to my husband, sellers make some mistakes that many times are the reason why the sale is not accomplished and here's where my analogies take place. Ladies first:

First of all, he says that every house is *saleable* In other words, we all have hope, because "for every rip there is always a patch" However, many times the sellers make the mistake of incongruity. In other words, the price of the house is not congruent with the value of the house. It means that the house is more expensive than it should be. He says that owners are most of the time "in love" of their house and for them, it has a very high sentimental value, so they ask too much for it even when it is not worthy. Generally, he asks questions like: "What kind of buyer do you want to attract? If you want to attract a buyer with three million pesos, then your house has to worth three million pesos. But if your house is falling down, then the buyers just go straight". Mario says a phrase tough but true: "You attract what you can, not what you want" Bees are attracted to honey… and flies?

As women, we usually dream about that smart knight, graceful and handsome, hardworking, home-loving and affectionate, respectful and considered, sweet and loving and many and many more virtues in our list, without realizing that just as the owners with the label "on sale" on their windows, we make the mistake of incongruity. All those virtues have a complementary side. What do you have to offer? Marriage starts the very day after you come back from your honey moon and from that moment on, everything is a matter of negation, service and team work. Are you preparing for that?, are you serving those around you?, how willing are you to deny to yourself?, how willing are you to be empathetic and condescending to the most irritating people around you?, are you acquiring basic skills to manage a home?

Once the owner sees his problem clearly, he has two options: lower his house's cost - getting married to the first one who comes by - or remodel it and so, have the possibility to ask more for it. However, here also exists incongruity. Mario tells me about houses where remodeling goes out of tune with the rest of the design. Sometimes they choose very modern bathrooms for very classic houses or very big kitchen furniture for very reduced spaces.  Many times, women make ourselves more attractive hanging stuff on us or making us "visible" to men and we take the attitude of the fatty grasshopper in the movie of "Bugs" in the circus scene: "pick me!, pick me!, pick me!" begging to be chosen. What in fact is happening is that our appearance goes out of tune with the rest of our design and men perceive an incongruity that, beyond attracting them, repulse them.   Or, in the other hand, there are pretty girls, capable, independent, self-sufficient, strong, who are still single too. When you ask yourself why, and take a little longer to observe her more closely, then you realize that even when she's yearning for a man in her heart, she actually is projecting the opposite: what man wants to compete with a much more capable woman than him who is already self-sufficient, who is independent and who seems to have no fear of anything? "A woman like that, does not need me at all" - maybe will think the poor Romeo. Men are, by nature, protective, provider, conqueror. They must know they are indispensable so that their manliness comes out from the very inside of them and they become in the super man that every woman  yearns. The truly attractive in a woman are her internal virtues - and this is not just an old phrase to console the ugly ones - it's pure truth. Even when men are attracted by external beauty in the first place, when it's moment to think of it objectively, and picture them with a woman for the rest of their lives, they do sacrifice external beauty for internal virtues. That is worthier and more lasting than precious jewels. As women, we have to focus on that. In the same way the owner has to focus on the true virtues of his house and highlight them, we as women have to make an effort to polish our natural virtues and fight to overcome our weaknesses. I suppose this is enough duty to keep us busy with our sight to the inside without being distracted by any *nobody* that crosses in front of us.

Now it is turn for the boys and I'm taking revenge…

There are two types of buyer: the one who is going to buy and the one who is not going to buy, at least not in this moment. Mario tries to concentrate all his efforts in buyers who have money in hand and to not waste time and resources on those who are not sure about their decision yet. The "nosy" ones - as the consultants call them - are not sure about their decision, do not have the full amount of money, have not made their credit request, or are in a bureaucratic proceedings which will be months longer, anyways, they are not ready to buy and they won't do it soon, but even so, they are "looking for a house". They take time from the consultants making calls, making appointments to see  the houses and at the end… nothing. They just consume time and resources. I ask myself: "why do they want to see houses if they are not ready to buy yet?" and well, it takes me to make a more inquisitive question to the boys: why are you dating if you are not sure about your plans with that girl?, why are you consuming time, resources and the most important: the feelings of a woman who, surely will be other's wife?

A buyer who really wants to buy, pays whatever is necessary for what he's looking for. He just told me about a client who knew very clearly what requirements should meet the apartment he was looking for.  He has showed many options to him, but no one had all what he wants. Finally, he showed the last apartment which has the *potential* to meet all the characteristics, so he was willing to pay even more of his budget to obtain it. When a man really wants something, he does whatever to obtain it. Mario says he likes to work with a client who needs to buy urgently: "they are passionate, decided, diligent, perseverant" - he tells me. My reflection is for boys to concentrate all of your energy in doing the needed arrangements to be in position to "buy", and after that, you take your decision with all your strength and  devote to search passionately that woman who will complement you and impulse you to achieve your life project. Do not consume others' resources "looking for" houses that you are not ready to buy. Be men and concentrate all your energies on paying the highest price for that precious jewel that is still awaiting. And to girls: do not agree in bargains. Wait for that indicated man to come and pay the full price.

To close, I want to dedicate my conclusion to those precious jewels who have decided to remain pure and who are still awaiting the best buyer. Lately has appeared a phenomenon here in Mexico. The "cotos" I think I can translate coto as a subdivision - houses constructed by the same real estate developer. Those houses are very pretty, they all look exactly the same, are mass produced, very modern, attractive and very affordable. They are an excellent option for those with a low budget. However, short time after buying them the "cheapness" comes out, for those are very bad quality made.      Old, big houses placed on good zones of the city are more and more expensive and more and more difficult to be sold, because most of the people gets cheaper houses - the easy way. However, Mario says that all those houses are saleable, as long as they do not deteriorate. If they have good remodeling and above all, if they are still functional, accomplishing the objective of their design, are very sought-after houses which can be sold very expensively.  It's just a matter of keep waiting for the buyer who will pay the price.