The other day something that Pao, my second little three-year-old boy did, captured my attention: They were playing with popsicle sticks forming shapes. After a while he showed me what he’d done and the sticks were arranged like letters, but nonsense. And he told me: “Look mama, it says Indiana Jones. Here I have an “M”… and if I put it at the beginning, then it would say: Mindiana Jones!”
It really surprised me because some time ago I decided not to teach them anything deliberately – especially to Pao – and I can see how their own motivation and interest is driving them to learn anyway what I would have forced or even, frustrated. It’s sad to confirm that when I’m anxious about making them to learn something, then I transmit those same feelings and in the future, they show antipathy towards all what was my ambition for them to learn.
However, Pao and Caleb constantly show interest for letters. They see letters everywhere, point to them, and name them. Caleb identifies letter A and tries to draw it. Pao knows many letters, he identifies them and draws them, and now he even is beginning to deduce that letters can combine to produce different sounds. And I haven’t taught them a thing!
It is difficult to get rid of the paradigms that were installed in us for a lifetime, and the inertia that pushes us to want to decide what they “have” to learn at what time and in what ways is almost irresistible. However, when I observe Caleb, my almost two-year-old baby in his process of learning to talk, I am convinced that children already have all the necessary resources to learn what they need to learn in every stage and they don’t need our intervention. I’ve never stopped to analyze his learning acquisition process or to evaluate it, or to establish goals or to look for “better” resources so that his performance is optimum, and I’ve never explained to him what a noun or a verb is and what their position within a phrase is, or made any pronunciation practice… it’s just absurd! All of us trust that sooner or later, in his time, he will talk and he will do it well. But when it is about other abilities, that trust is gone because we’ve been told during a lifetime that “experts” are the ones who must do that job, so we look for something “trustworthy” to cling to.
Even when many years ago I decided not to send my children to school, the act of deschooling my mind is still in process and very often I struggle with the inertia of wanting to bring the school to my home. Perhaps it is very difficult to dismiss the pride of being responsible (or any “trustworthy” system) for their learning and instead of that, give the whole credit to their pure inner motivation and curiosity. But what is trust worthier than their learning system that was already installed when they were born? They learn in a very natural way, with so much joy, so efficiently, so meaningful, so lasting.
I’m working to strengthen that trust in myself that they will learn whatever is necessary for their full development in their time and in their own way, and get rid completely of anxiety, which only blinds and slows down any progress. I think that this environment of freedom and naturalness will keep alive that curiosity and interest, and even they’ll be able to recover whatever has been lost or atrophied. I want to embrace my role as the facilitator who provides all what is necessary so that learning keeps flowing without obstacles, and to enjoy the great privilege to be witness of the wonderful miracles that sprout every moment.
Children learn by themselves. We don’t need to teach anything deliberately. What we do need to do is to be available to invest ourselves completely in being present to put all the necessary pieces so that learning follows its natural flow. Without forcing, without hurrying, without anxiety. Our most important priority must be to have a genuine connection with our children and learning will come, in its time, as a side effect.
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